I just don't have enough to give

Within the last week, for some reason, my reading of God's word has drawn me to Matthew and I had the opportunity to read the account of the feeding of 5,000 plus people by Jesus and his 12 disciples. It's simply baffling that this was an actual event in history, but this is reported to be the only miracle that is recorded in all 4 gospels and it made a mark on the disciples that I believe had to be shared.

As I read the account this time, I could not help but be drawn to feelings I often have when doing ministry. Jesus asked his disciples to feed the people. He didn't want them to go to other sources or towns or restaurants, even though it was getting late, he wanted them to feed his sheep. There have been many times when I have felt like I haven't had enough to give and felt inadequate to feed or counsel or minister to a friend or stranger or situation and said the same to Jesus. I only have 5 loaves and 2 fish. I don't just have 5 pieces of bread, they are barley at that!

But in these moments, at it gets me every time I listen to God's Spirit whispering, I'm reminded that it is not my position to multiply the bread. That's Jesus' job. He knows it. I need to remember it. What he does ask me to do is to bring what little I have to the table as a sacrifice for the purpose of influencing people from him.

After the breaking of the bread, Jesus commands his disciples to give the bread to the crowds. This is yours and my task, to then spread the words of God's love and healing and mercy. There is no question in my mind that there were more than 5,000 present if you add women and children into the mix of this account. This was still, even though Christ multiplied the bread, an exhausting task. They had to walk from group to group and hand out a lot of stinking food. As the account closes, Jesus has a promise that he wants to remind his disciples. There are leftovers.

As exhausting as it is to pour your lives into people, Jesus asks us to do it every day without regard to whether or not we will see an outcome to the ministry. His promise, I believe in this account is that there will always be left overs for us. There will always be enough grace to go around and come back to you.

I'm sure the disciples towards the end were wondering if there would be enough after all this work for them, but sure enough as they gathered what was left over, 12 baskets, full. You know Peter was thinking, "Sweet! I get to eat now!" But it is important for those who want to invest in others, you need to know that your live of give, give, give is worth every minute and that God wants to always make sure you have enough for you as well.

A word of encouragement. Make your lives about people. It will hurt and it will leave a mark (aka. there will be scars). Don't focus on your inadequecies, but focus on your savior who pours into your life time and time again without regard to your past failures.